Michael Rappaport

I find myself with little or no desire to comment on President Obama's first State of the Union address.

It isn't that I don't think it was a fine speech -- I do -- and it isn't that I don't think it might do some good.

It might.

It's just that we really do live in two Americas these days, and I'm not talking about rich and poor. I'm talking about red and blue, liberal and conservative, true Americans and ...

Nah, not going there.

Folks on one side will automatically support what Obama said, while folks on the other will eagerly away the analysis to come from Fat Man, Little Boy and Rabid Annie.

My guess is that other than the people who are out of work, without insurance or fans of the New Jersey Nets, the unhappiest people in America are the ones who really care what's happening in politics.

When you're a true believer -- left or right -- it really vexes you that there are people on the other side who can't see your point. Liberals denigrate conservatives as mouthbreathers and Bible thumpers, while those on the right attack those on the left as bed-wetting, panty-waisted girly men (and manly girls) who don't love Jesus.

Our national fabric is stretched as tightly as that time Rush Limbaugh tried to wear a Speedo.

Sorry. Channeled Dennis Miller for a minute there.

It just wears me out. I can't tolerate more than a couple minutes of true believers on either side. They're like insurance salesmen, sucking up all the air in the room.

I think I would enjoy punching Mitch McConnell in the mouth, but it's funny. I feel the same way about Al Gore.

And don't even get me started on Holy Joe Lieberman.

What's the state of the union?

Broken, badly broken.

And it may not be fixable until we get rid of all the elected officials.

It isn't enough just to throw out incumbents. The folks who would replace them would just be more of the same, and I refuse to be fooled again.

I think the only legitimate way to solve the problem might be to get two decent people together -- one Democrat and one Republican -- and give them access to a really good computer. You know, the kind that has all the information the government says they don't keep on us.

Go through at random and pick 435 representatives and 100 senators. The only qualifications would be no previous runs for office and at least a 100 IQ.

Then let them fix the mess.

The folks in Washington now sure can't do it.