Politicians don’t always say what they really mean, especially in an election year. So in order to help you figure out what’s behind the spin and sound bites, the 2012 election news dictionary should help clear things up for you.
Obamacare: A health care reform law that no one in Congress actually read but voted for anyway. That’s because the bill was changed so many times during the year-long debate over it, hundreds of pages were lost and inadvertently replaced with photos of former New York Rep. Anthony Weiner’s sex scandal photos, which were posted on Twitter before he was forced to resign.
As for the real status of the individual mandate; it’s both a candy and a gum.
Smaller government: Code words used by conservatives to try to convince working class voters that it would be better for everyone if they would just surrender all the government benefits they have, the benefits they were looking forward to, and the benefits they didn’t even know existed.
Dressage horse: A tax deduction for Mitt Romney.
Full disclosure: A phrase used by crooked politicians to make them sound like they are trying to be honest, even though they know they are lying and have no intention of telling you what they are really up to.
The Supreme Court: Nine lawyers who like to dress up in long gowns before they decide if cross-dressing should be illegal.
Job creators: Rich people who like that phrase better then tax break lobbyist. The connection actually has nothing to do with creating jobs.
Deregulation: Something rich people like because it means they can do whatever they want to poor people.
SuperPAC: Something rich people like because it means they can use their money to buy unlimited political influence, so after the election they can do whatever they want to poor people even more.
Vaginal probe: A phrase used by politicians who want doctors to act like politicians.
Outsourcing: Where Mitt Romney sends his money and the jobs of people who had an encounter with Bain Capital.
Voter ID laws: Something no one cared about until the Republicans realized that they couldn’t win an election without them.
Mitt Romney: A 2012 Republican presidential candidate who is afraid to tell people what he really thinks because he won’t know what that is until someone donates another $50 million to his campaign and tells him what he’s supposed to say.
Barack Obama: An American president who now keeps a copy of his birth certificate in his pocket at all times.
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